lostnchina

…because not all of us have our Peking ducks in a row

The Sarcastic Woman’s Guide to Online Dating: Your Profile Picture

My Dear Begirdled and Betrodden Sisters, In my last post of the Sarcastic Woman dating series, I touched upon the importance of a thoughtfully-written and highly-fibrous online dating profile that … Continue reading

December 13, 2013 · 30 Comments

The Sarcastic Woman’s Guide to Online Dating: Your Profile

Congratulations!  Like a lobotomized water buffalo in heat, you have decided to charge ass first – because its larger size will cause more damage – into the increasingly flatulent world … Continue reading

May 12, 2013 · 26 Comments

The Trainer.

Based on events which occurred in a small town in China in 2005 I first saw the Trainer – and I believe that was his name,  as that’s what everyone … Continue reading

February 12, 2013 · 15 Comments

The Sarcastic Woman’s Guide to Online Dating: The Whole Enchilada

From time to time, when I attend a friend’s wedding, or catch reruns of romantic comedies starring a younger Meg Ryan, who still had control over her facial movements, I … Continue reading

August 28, 2012 · 39 Comments

A Lemon Peeler for My Love: A Gift-giving Guide for the Ex in Your Life

If you’ve ever questioned your man’s love for you, just take a look at the presents that you’ve received from him during the course of your relationship.  Perhaps you can … Continue reading

July 24, 2012 · 119 Comments

Dating Susan for Dummies

A friend turned me on to a website that lets you generate your own “Dummies” book cover: https://covers.dummies.com/generate.html.  These are my entries, soon to hit the bookshelves at a gas … Continue reading

May 16, 2012 · 14 Comments

How to Succeed at Landing the Chinese Man of Your Nightmares

I know for a sorry fact that, if my Dad were to pass away tomorrow, his greatest regret would not be that 1000+ item Vegas Strip buffet he never tried, … Continue reading

May 8, 2012 · 36 Comments

Chinese Chicken Gizzard & Testicle Soup for the Soul: Inspiration for the Uninspirable

You drink this soup I made for you; it will make you stronger and smarter and give you chi.  You don’t do what I say, you’ll die a slow and … Continue reading

April 25, 2012 · 21 Comments

I’m Not Your Amway-Hooker, Travel-Sexcort, Chinabride, Mother-May-I, Ex-Girlfriend-Stand-In: A Scientific Analysis of Susan’s Dating History

Some of you may be saddened to learn that I’ve broken up with the guy mentioned in Why I’m Still Sarcastically Single Part One: Steak.  The relationship lasted a bit … Continue reading

April 15, 2012 · 43 Comments

Things My Elderly Chinese Parents Say to Me

For the past two-and-a-half weeks I’ve been living with my elderly parents in Taipei, as I’m recovering from surgery.  Having the surgery in Taiwan, with its universal health care, was … Continue reading

March 30, 2012 · 29 Comments

Gadzooks, I’ve Been Tagged!

MrMary and I have a soul connection: the kind you see when two strangers simultaneously reach for the same discounted vodka in a box on the shelf of the liquor … Continue reading

February 27, 2012 · 13 Comments

That Chinese Chick Can’t Cook Rice

For my birthday I had a group of friends over to my place for a birthday / leftover X’mas / Chinese New Year hot pot (fondue) dinner. Traditionally in the … Continue reading

February 10, 2012 · 24 Comments

More a Tweet Than a Post: Happy Chinese New Year!

A few posts back I promised to display my latest Chinese New Year acquisition – the 2012 edition of the Chinese New Year red panty, which my mother sent me … Continue reading

January 25, 2012 · 16 Comments

Ode to Alcohol

Just having returned from China, walking into a US liquor store was as close to a religious experience as I was ever going to get: I almost dropped to my … Continue reading

December 27, 2011 · 9 Comments

Why I’m Still Sarcastically Single Part One: Steak

Recently, the guy I’m dating asked me whether I’d ever mention him in my blog.  This got me thinking about dating and why I’m still dating at my age and … Continue reading

November 11, 2011 · 24 Comments

Drink, Drank, Drunk in China, A Woman’s Perspective

Remember a young and fresh-faced Karen Allen as Marion Ravenwood in “Raiders of the Lost Ark”, winning a drink-off with some large, boorish  guy at the beginning of the movie, … Continue reading

October 25, 2011 · 11 Comments

Too Fat for China: Confessions of a Size 4 Chinese-Canadian in China

As I’ve said in a previous post, it’s a well-known fact and an utter phenomenon that Chinese women can eat twice their weight in food and never gain an ounce, … Continue reading

October 18, 2011 · 24 Comments

My Ten-point Safety Plan for Surviving in China

I might come off as China-savvy and sassy in my posts, but the fact that I’m not maimed or laying in a pile of water buffalo turd in a place … Continue reading

September 19, 2011 · 1 Comment

Lost in Translation – Why I’m Not an Interpreter

My Mother often asks me why I don’t step up and help foreigners translate, as they stammer and gulp their way through the simplest things, like asking where the bathroom … Continue reading

September 2, 2011 · 34 Comments