lostnchina

…because not all of us have our Peking ducks in a row

How to Deal With Talkative Passengers While Flying at 32,000 Feet

For those of you who claimed to have built life-changing friendships, been engaged or married, or reached an epiphany about red meat on a red-eye from San Francisco to New York, … Continue reading

January 5, 2016 · 9 Comments

Funereality – Part Two

A Buddhist monk, my sneezing sister and I are driving along in a Mercedes with plush leather seats. Something that resembles a dried up stalk of corn is wedged between … Continue reading

July 17, 2014 · 40 Comments

Funereality – Part One

When our beloved pet cockatiel of seventeen years died, my dad had witnessed the event.  He said that Binky had been acting sluggish for about a week – sitting on … Continue reading

May 9, 2014 · 115 Comments

A Very Chinese Home Remodel

You know your elderly Chinese parents have redefined “home remodeling” when they spend the money they have scrimped and saved over the years on a home remodel that features a … Continue reading

October 18, 2013 · 90 Comments

See Susan Go Camping

I was raised in a campingless household.  My Chinese immigrant parents could never understand how our neighbors – with only $240.38 (Canadian) in their bank account (that was US$1.99 in … Continue reading

August 23, 2013 · 35 Comments

Vivian and I are Having a Baby!

Late last year, Vivian, my Accounting Manager and right-hand person in China told me on internet messenger that she was (finally) formally getting married: Me: Congrats!  So…you’re pregnant? Vivian: How … Continue reading

August 8, 2013 · 17 Comments

Dentally Yours: An Adventure in Chinese Medical Misadventure

Ask anyone who’s traveling to a developing country her number one fear and it’s usually either: a) getting robbed, maimed or killed (after which she would most likely end up … Continue reading

May 19, 2013 · 33 Comments

Hells Bell’s Palsy: The Symptoms of a Chinese Mother

Bell’s palsy “is a form of facial paralysis resulting from a dysfunction of the …facial nerve… causing an inability to control facial muscles on the affected side…It is thought that … Continue reading

March 24, 2013 · 28 Comments

The Trainer.

Based on events which occurred in a small town in China in 2005 I first saw the Trainer – and I believe that was his name,  as that’s what everyone … Continue reading

February 12, 2013 · 15 Comments

The Power of Poo & Other Cross-cultural Conundrums

When people find out that I *live* in China, they always want to know what it’s like.  And from the way they ask and the expressions on their faces, I … Continue reading

October 15, 2012 · 42 Comments

This Post is Kind of Racist

Originally posted on lostnchina:
I’m ashamed to admit this, but my parents – well, my Mother – after having lived in Canada since the 1970s, has a problem differentiating one…

July 16, 2012 · 2 Comments

Adventures in Absentmindedness

It is said that goldfish have the worst memory of any living creature in the animal kingdom.  I don’t think this conclusion was reached through years of rigorous, double-blind scientific … Continue reading

July 1, 2012 · 29 Comments

People’s Republic of WTF?

The other day I realized that, even though this blog is entitled LOSTNCHINA and I frequently blather on about how odd it is to be Chinese-but-not-quite-Chinese-enough in China, I’ve never … Continue reading

May 21, 2012 · 38 Comments

How to Succeed at Landing the Chinese Man of Your Nightmares

I know for a sorry fact that, if my Dad were to pass away tomorrow, his greatest regret would not be that 1000+ item Vegas Strip buffet he never tried, … Continue reading

May 8, 2012 · 36 Comments

Chinese Chicken Gizzard & Testicle Soup for the Soul: Inspiration for the Uninspirable

You drink this soup I made for you; it will make you stronger and smarter and give you chi.  You don’t do what I say, you’ll die a slow and … Continue reading

April 25, 2012 · 21 Comments

Three Made-in-China Things That Almost Killed Me

Most of us are aware of the more obvious dangers that living in China might present – crossing the street and getting hit by a car, driving and getting hit … Continue reading

April 5, 2012 · 28 Comments

Things My Elderly Chinese Parents Say to Me

For the past two-and-a-half weeks I’ve been living with my elderly parents in Taipei, as I’m recovering from surgery.  Having the surgery in Taiwan, with its universal health care, was … Continue reading

March 30, 2012 · 29 Comments

Toto, We’re Not in Kansas Anymore: A Foreigner’s Guide on What NOT TO DO While Living in China

This a revised post first written in 2006 It always amazes me how foreigners who have no ties with China, know nothing about China’s people, culture, or language, suddenly uproot … Continue reading

March 26, 2012 · 12 Comments

Toilet Tales

When I first came to China, I had enough drugs in my suitcase to put a pharmacy to shame: Extra-strength Tylenol, Sudafed, Sinutab, calcium tablets, multi-vitamins, oregano oil, garlic pills, … Continue reading

March 11, 2012 · 29 Comments

A Foreign Idiot’s Guide to Running a Business in China

Some of you may wonder what the hell it is I do in China.  I frequently blather on about my Mom’s English, my hatred of Chinese banks, and my bewilderment … Continue reading

March 2, 2012 · 14 Comments

For the Caregivers of the English-impaired

When people ask me what languages I know, of course English and Chinese come to mind.  French was mandatory till Grade 10, but that doesn’t mean I’d retained any.  I … Continue reading

February 21, 2012 · 14 Comments

That Chinese Chick Can’t Cook Rice

For my birthday I had a group of friends over to my place for a birthday / leftover X’mas / Chinese New Year hot pot (fondue) dinner. Traditionally in the … Continue reading

February 10, 2012 · 24 Comments

The Time I Wrote a Love Letter to Myself

In the ’90s, teaching English in Taiwan was as easy as getting piss-ass drunk on cheap beer and mistaking every stranger in the bar for someone you know.  The Taiwanese … Continue reading

January 31, 2012 · 12 Comments

More a Tweet Than a Post: Happy Chinese New Year!

A few posts back I promised to display my latest Chinese New Year acquisition – the 2012 edition of the Chinese New Year red panty, which my mother sent me … Continue reading

January 25, 2012 · 16 Comments

Lies My Superstitious Chinese Mother Told Me & the Longevity Panty

I’m the first-born byproduct of old-world Chinese parents.  My Father is nearly twice my age and my Mother is  irrational, but has very nice skin. My Mother, like many Chinese … Continue reading

December 31, 2011 · 39 Comments

Driving Miss Crazy

Unlike Jessica Tandy in “Driving Miss Daisy”, I just can’t get used to the idea of having my own Driver in China.  I KNOW that in China, as in many … Continue reading

December 13, 2011 · 5 Comments

My Favorite Chinese Stereotype: The Chinese Lotus Blossom vs. The Dragon Lady

How many times have you driven behind an erratic driver and thought, “Man, that driver’s got to be Chinese.  He/she drives horribly!” – only to feel so guilty immediately afterwards, … Continue reading

November 28, 2011 · 18 Comments

Why I’m Still Sarcastically Single Part One: Steak

Recently, the guy I’m dating asked me whether I’d ever mention him in my blog.  This got me thinking about dating and why I’m still dating at my age and … Continue reading

November 11, 2011 · 24 Comments

Dentally Yours: An Adventure in Chinese Medical Misadventure

Ask anybody who is traveling to a developing country his or her number one fear and it’s usually either: a) getting robbed, maimed or killed (after which he/she would most … Continue reading

November 9, 2011 · 2 Comments

Drink, Drank, Drunk in China, A Woman’s Perspective

Remember a young and fresh-faced Karen Allen as Marion Ravenwood in “Raiders of the Lost Ark”, winning a drink-off with some large, boorish  guy at the beginning of the movie, … Continue reading

October 25, 2011 · 11 Comments