lostnchina

…because not all of us have our Peking ducks in a row

Mongolian Barbequed: Four Days & Three Nights in Mongolia with a Chinese Tour Group

It was with near-hysterical fervor that my employees and I had signed up for a four-day guided tour of Inner Mongolia leaving on May 1 – China’s Labor Day – one … Continue reading

May 30, 2015 · 16 Comments

Vivian and I are Having a Baby!

Late last year, Vivian, my Accounting Manager and right-hand person in China told me on internet messenger that she was (finally) formally getting married: Me: Congrats!  So…you’re pregnant? Vivian: How … Continue reading

August 8, 2013 · 17 Comments

The Overly Self-Indulgent, Absolutely Optional Non-Anniversary Anniversary Search Term Post

As my blog painfully drags its increasingly bulky ass into its third year – September 2013 – I’m humbled by the number of kind people who faithfully read my posts, … Continue reading

July 30, 2013 · 23 Comments

Of Banks & Sex – Banking in 21st Century China

Written in April 2006, before the happy advent of internet banking After two years of living in China, I’ve finally made my first wire transfer at a bank without help from … Continue reading

June 15, 2013 · 12 Comments

The Trainer.

Based on events which occurred in a small town in China in 2005 I first saw the Trainer – and I believe that was his name,  as that’s what everyone … Continue reading

February 12, 2013 · 15 Comments

People’s Republic of WTF?

The other day I realized that, even though this blog is entitled LOSTNCHINA and I frequently blather on about how odd it is to be Chinese-but-not-quite-Chinese-enough in China, I’ve never … Continue reading

May 21, 2012 · 38 Comments

How to Succeed at Landing the Chinese Man of Your Nightmares

I know for a sorry fact that, if my Dad were to pass away tomorrow, his greatest regret would not be that 1000+ item Vegas Strip buffet he never tried, … Continue reading

May 8, 2012 · 36 Comments

So You Wanna Own a Piece of China, eh?

I sometimes tell people that, if I hadn’t gotten an MBA, I would’ve gone into home construction and repair instead.  A PhD in Plumbing, an Associates Certificate in Dry-Wallcology, or … Continue reading

May 4, 2012 · 11 Comments

Three Made-in-China Things That Almost Killed Me

Most of us are aware of the more obvious dangers that living in China might present – crossing the street and getting hit by a car, driving and getting hit … Continue reading

April 5, 2012 · 28 Comments

The Foreign Customer is Always (Never) Right

As a contributor to your esteemed country’s trade deficit with China, we Chinese suppliers are often given many unflattering labels – opportunistic, unethical, and misleading.  We are accused of seducing … Continue reading

March 16, 2012 · 11 Comments

Toilet Tales

When I first came to China, I had enough drugs in my suitcase to put a pharmacy to shame: Extra-strength Tylenol, Sudafed, Sinutab, calcium tablets, multi-vitamins, oregano oil, garlic pills, … Continue reading

March 11, 2012 · 29 Comments

A Foreign Idiot’s Guide to Running a Business in China

Some of you may wonder what the hell it is I do in China.  I frequently blather on about my Mom’s English, my hatred of Chinese banks, and my bewilderment … Continue reading

March 2, 2012 · 14 Comments

For the Caregivers of the English-impaired

When people ask me what languages I know, of course English and Chinese come to mind.  French was mandatory till Grade 10, but that doesn’t mean I’d retained any.  I … Continue reading

February 21, 2012 · 14 Comments

That Chinese Chick Can’t Cook Rice

For my birthday I had a group of friends over to my place for a birthday / leftover X’mas / Chinese New Year hot pot (fondue) dinner. Traditionally in the … Continue reading

February 10, 2012 · 24 Comments

The Time I Wrote a Love Letter to Myself

In the ’90s, teaching English in Taiwan was as easy as getting piss-ass drunk on cheap beer and mistaking every stranger in the bar for someone you know.  The Taiwanese … Continue reading

January 31, 2012 · 12 Comments

“Help!” (Wanted): The Story of Boogie Wang, Chloe Chu, Pinky Lo & One Kinky Ho

In Hong Kong, recruiting an English-speaking Account Representative is easier than in China, as English is one of the two official languages.  The issue I have is with the names … Continue reading

January 17, 2012 · 46 Comments

Ode to Alcohol

Just having returned from China, walking into a US liquor store was as close to a religious experience as I was ever going to get: I almost dropped to my … Continue reading

December 27, 2011 · 9 Comments

Driving Miss Crazy

Unlike Jessica Tandy in “Driving Miss Daisy”, I just can’t get used to the idea of having my own Driver in China.  I KNOW that in China, as in many … Continue reading

December 13, 2011 · 5 Comments

Teaching My Elderly Chinese Parents the Computer

The other day, my younger sister, Annie, lamented to me over instant messenger, “Mom forwarded me some weird email from one of her Chinese friends about eating all my vegetables … Continue reading

December 3, 2011 · 15 Comments

My Favorite Chinese Stereotype: The Chinese Lotus Blossom vs. The Dragon Lady

How many times have you driven behind an erratic driver and thought, “Man, that driver’s got to be Chinese.  He/she drives horribly!” – only to feel so guilty immediately afterwards, … Continue reading

November 28, 2011 · 18 Comments

Why I’m Still Sarcastically Single Part One: Steak

Recently, the guy I’m dating asked me whether I’d ever mention him in my blog.  This got me thinking about dating and why I’m still dating at my age and … Continue reading

November 11, 2011 · 24 Comments

Dentally Yours: An Adventure in Chinese Medical Misadventure

Ask anybody who is traveling to a developing country his or her number one fear and it’s usually either: a) getting robbed, maimed or killed (after which he/she would most … Continue reading

November 9, 2011 · 2 Comments

Supremely Bizarre Products of All Time

Most people who are reading this blog about China might want to see weird and funny things – like pictures of misspelled street signs, strange foods, or bizarre cultural rituals. … Continue reading

November 4, 2011 · 17 Comments

This Post is Kind of Racist

I’m ashamed to admit this, but my parents – well, my Mother – after having lived in Canada since the 1970s, has a problem differentiating one Caucasian from the next. … Continue reading

October 27, 2011 · 29 Comments

Drink, Drank, Drunk in China, A Woman’s Perspective

Remember a young and fresh-faced Karen Allen as Marion Ravenwood in “Raiders of the Lost Ark”, winning a drink-off with some large, boorish  guy at the beginning of the movie, … Continue reading

October 25, 2011 · 11 Comments

Too Fat for China: Confessions of a Size 4 Chinese-Canadian in China

As I’ve said in a previous post, it’s a well-known fact and an utter phenomenon that Chinese women can eat twice their weight in food and never gain an ounce, … Continue reading

October 18, 2011 · 24 Comments

My Ten-point Safety Plan for Surviving in China

I might come off as China-savvy and sassy in my posts, but the fact that I’m not maimed or laying in a pile of water buffalo turd in a place … Continue reading

September 19, 2011 · 1 Comment

Lost in Translation – Why I’m Not an Interpreter

My Mother often asks me why I don’t step up and help foreigners translate, as they stammer and gulp their way through the simplest things, like asking where the bathroom … Continue reading

September 2, 2011 · 34 Comments

The Tao of Haggling – From Someone Who Hates to Bargain

Sometimes I think i should not have been born Chinese: My ability-to-haggle-gene must have  been destroyed when I integrated into Western society… along with my propensity to carry large wads … Continue reading

February 1, 2007 · 3 Comments

Of Banks and Sex – Banking in 21st Century China

Written in April 2006, before the happy advent of internet banking After two years of living in China, I’ve finally made my first wire transfer at a bank without help from … Continue reading

April 2, 2006 · 4 Comments