The Fifty Shades of Skymall
Factory Manager Jia has been working at our factory in China since he was about 20 years old. He’s now in his mid-30s. When I met him for the first … Continue reading
Hells Bell’s Palsy: The Symptoms of a Chinese Mother
Bell’s palsy “is a form of facial paralysis resulting from a dysfunction of the …facial nerve… causing an inability to control facial muscles on the affected side…It is thought that … Continue reading
Gotta Getta Grip on My Groupons
Having spent most of the last 8 years in China – a land which sells matching dog and owner outfits in approximately the same size, and a half dozen brands … Continue reading
The Trainer.
Based on events which occurred in a small town in China in 2005 I first saw the Trainer – and I believe that was his name, as that’s what everyone … Continue reading
Teaching My Elderly Chinese Parents the Computer
First published December 3, 2011 The other day, my younger sister, Annie, lamented to me over instant messenger, “Mom forwarded me some weird email from one of her Chinese friends … Continue reading
The Nose Knows & Other Gift Ideas to Alienate Your Friends & Family
I’ll admit it. I’m one of those suckers for Christmas…presents, that is. Growing up, it wasn’t so much about what Christmas meant, but what old man Santa would give me … Continue reading
Worst Album Covers in the Universe
We’re all familiar with the adage, “History repeats itself”, especially in the form of natural or man-made disasters. In the 14th Century, Europe was crippled by the bubonic plague, which … Continue reading
The Power of Poo & Other Cross-cultural Conundrums
When people find out that I *live* in China, they always want to know what it’s like. And from the way they ask and the expressions on their faces, I … Continue reading
Multi-cultural & Very Experienced Sensual Man Seeks a Beautiful Asian Honey to Treat as His Princess
First off, thank you for looking at my profile from the bottom of my heart. But in order to make sure that only the most qualified of you are chosen, … Continue reading
The Sarcastic Woman’s Guide to Online Dating: The Whole Enchilada
From time to time, when I attend a friend’s wedding, or catch reruns of romantic comedies starring a younger Meg Ryan, who still had control over her facial movements, I … Continue reading
A Lemon Peeler for My Love: A Gift-giving Guide for the Ex in Your Life
If you’ve ever questioned your man’s love for you, just take a look at the presents that you’ve received from him during the course of your relationship. Perhaps you can … Continue reading
This Post is Kind of Racist
Originally posted on lostnchina:
I’m ashamed to admit this, but my parents – well, my Mother – after having lived in Canada since the 1970s, has a problem differentiating one…
Walkers Scottish Oatcakes and the Scottish Invasion of China
Because I’m absolutely lacking in creativity these days, I’m re-posting this piece from September 2011. We don’t hear a lot about Scotland in China, Hong Kong or Taiwan. I’m sure … Continue reading
Adventures in Absentmindedness
It is said that goldfish have the worst memory of any living creature in the animal kingdom. I don’t think this conclusion was reached through years of rigorous, double-blind scientific … Continue reading
If the Shoe Fits
My sister visited me the other day and I presented her with a garbage-sized bag of shoes I’d purchased throughout the decades, but never got around to wearing. After meticulously … Continue reading
People’s Republic of WTF?
The other day I realized that, even though this blog is entitled LOSTNCHINA and I frequently blather on about how odd it is to be Chinese-but-not-quite-Chinese-enough in China, I’ve never … Continue reading
Dating Susan for Dummies
A friend turned me on to a website that lets you generate your own “Dummies” book cover: https://covers.dummies.com/generate.html. These are my entries, soon to hit the bookshelves at a gas … Continue reading
How to Succeed at Landing the Chinese Man of Your Nightmares
I know for a sorry fact that, if my Dad were to pass away tomorrow, his greatest regret would not be that 1000+ item Vegas Strip buffet he never tried, … Continue reading
So You Wanna Own a Piece of China, eh?
I sometimes tell people that, if I hadn’t gotten an MBA, I would’ve gone into home construction and repair instead. A PhD in Plumbing, an Associates Certificate in Dry-Wallcology, or … Continue reading
Chinese Chicken Gizzard & Testicle Soup for the Soul: Inspiration for the Uninspirable
You drink this soup I made for you; it will make you stronger and smarter and give you chi. You don’t do what I say, you’ll die a slow and … Continue reading
I’m Not Your Amway-Hooker, Travel-Sexcort, Chinabride, Mother-May-I, Ex-Girlfriend-Stand-In: A Scientific Analysis of Susan’s Dating History
Some of you may be saddened to learn that I’ve broken up with the guy mentioned in Why I’m Still Sarcastically Single Part One: Steak. The relationship lasted a bit … Continue reading
The Day I Tried to Cut Down on My Drinking
I might sound like a big lush lurching through life, but I drink at the most two (ladylike) glasses of wine a day. However, over the holidays – Thanksgiving 2011, … Continue reading
Three Made-in-China Things That Almost Killed Me
Most of us are aware of the more obvious dangers that living in China might present – crossing the street and getting hit by a car, driving and getting hit … Continue reading
Things My Elderly Chinese Parents Say to Me
For the past two-and-a-half weeks I’ve been living with my elderly parents in Taipei, as I’m recovering from surgery. Having the surgery in Taiwan, with its universal health care, was … Continue reading
Toto, We’re Not in Kansas Anymore: A Foreigner’s Guide on What NOT TO DO While Living in China
This a revised post first written in 2006 It always amazes me how foreigners who have no ties with China, know nothing about China’s people, culture, or language, suddenly uproot … Continue reading
The Foreign Customer is Always (Never) Right
As a contributor to your esteemed country’s trade deficit with China, we Chinese suppliers are often given many unflattering labels – opportunistic, unethical, and misleading. We are accused of seducing … Continue reading
Toilet Tales
When I first came to China, I had enough drugs in my suitcase to put a pharmacy to shame: Extra-strength Tylenol, Sudafed, Sinutab, calcium tablets, multi-vitamins, oregano oil, garlic pills, … Continue reading
A Foreign Idiot’s Guide to Running a Business in China
Some of you may wonder what the hell it is I do in China. I frequently blather on about my Mom’s English, my hatred of Chinese banks, and my bewilderment … Continue reading
Gadzooks, I’ve Been Tagged!
MrMary and I have a soul connection: the kind you see when two strangers simultaneously reach for the same discounted vodka in a box on the shelf of the liquor … Continue reading
For the Caregivers of the English-impaired
When people ask me what languages I know, of course English and Chinese come to mind. French was mandatory till Grade 10, but that doesn’t mean I’d retained any. I … Continue reading
