Mongolian Barbequed: Four Days & Three Nights in Mongolia with a Chinese Tour Group
It was with near-hysterical fervor that my employees and I had signed up for a four-day guided tour of Inner Mongolia leaving on May 1 – China’s Labor Day – one … Continue reading
I Just Wanna Play Scrabble and Not Buy You Viagra
Just as someone might want to swim with the sharks or pull a freight train with his testicles – when I lived in southern China, I played online Scrabble to … Continue reading
Funereality – Part Two
A Buddhist monk, my sneezing sister and I are driving along in a Mercedes with plush leather seats. Something that resembles a dried up stalk of corn is wedged between … Continue reading
Lost in Translation – Why I’m Not an Interpreter
Originally posted on lostnchina:
My Mother often asks me why I don’t step up and help foreigners translate, as they stammer and gulp their way through the simplest things, like…
Vivian and I are Having a Baby!
Late last year, Vivian, my Accounting Manager and right-hand person in China told me on internet messenger that she was (finally) formally getting married: Me: Congrats! So…you’re pregnant? Vivian: How … Continue reading
Of Banks & Sex – Banking in 21st Century China
Written in April 2006, before the happy advent of internet banking After two years of living in China, I’ve finally made my first wire transfer at a bank without help from … Continue reading
Dentally Yours: An Adventure in Chinese Medical Misadventure
Ask anyone who’s traveling to a developing country her number one fear and it’s usually either: a) getting robbed, maimed or killed (after which she would most likely end up … Continue reading
Hells Bell’s Palsy: The Symptoms of a Chinese Mother
Bell’s palsy “is a form of facial paralysis resulting from a dysfunction of the …facial nerve… causing an inability to control facial muscles on the affected side…It is thought that … Continue reading
The Trainer.
Based on events which occurred in a small town in China in 2005 I first saw the Trainer – and I believe that was his name, as that’s what everyone … Continue reading
Teaching My Elderly Chinese Parents the Computer
First published December 3, 2011 The other day, my younger sister, Annie, lamented to me over instant messenger, “Mom forwarded me some weird email from one of her Chinese friends … Continue reading
The Power of Poo & Other Cross-cultural Conundrums
When people find out that I *live* in China, they always want to know what it’s like. And from the way they ask and the expressions on their faces, I … Continue reading
Walkers Scottish Oatcakes and the Scottish Invasion of China
Because I’m absolutely lacking in creativity these days, I’m re-posting this piece from September 2011. We don’t hear a lot about Scotland in China, Hong Kong or Taiwan. I’m sure … Continue reading
People’s Republic of WTF?
The other day I realized that, even though this blog is entitled LOSTNCHINA and I frequently blather on about how odd it is to be Chinese-but-not-quite-Chinese-enough in China, I’ve never … Continue reading
How to Succeed at Landing the Chinese Man of Your Nightmares
I know for a sorry fact that, if my Dad were to pass away tomorrow, his greatest regret would not be that 1000+ item Vegas Strip buffet he never tried, … Continue reading
So You Wanna Own a Piece of China, eh?
I sometimes tell people that, if I hadn’t gotten an MBA, I would’ve gone into home construction and repair instead. A PhD in Plumbing, an Associates Certificate in Dry-Wallcology, or … Continue reading
Chinese Chicken Gizzard & Testicle Soup for the Soul: Inspiration for the Uninspirable
You drink this soup I made for you; it will make you stronger and smarter and give you chi. You don’t do what I say, you’ll die a slow and … Continue reading
Three Made-in-China Things That Almost Killed Me
Most of us are aware of the more obvious dangers that living in China might present – crossing the street and getting hit by a car, driving and getting hit … Continue reading
Toto, We’re Not in Kansas Anymore: A Foreigner’s Guide on What NOT TO DO While Living in China
This a revised post first written in 2006 It always amazes me how foreigners who have no ties with China, know nothing about China’s people, culture, or language, suddenly uproot … Continue reading
The Foreign Customer is Always (Never) Right
As a contributor to your esteemed country’s trade deficit with China, we Chinese suppliers are often given many unflattering labels – opportunistic, unethical, and misleading. We are accused of seducing … Continue reading
Toilet Tales
When I first came to China, I had enough drugs in my suitcase to put a pharmacy to shame: Extra-strength Tylenol, Sudafed, Sinutab, calcium tablets, multi-vitamins, oregano oil, garlic pills, … Continue reading
A Foreign Idiot’s Guide to Running a Business in China
Some of you may wonder what the hell it is I do in China. I frequently blather on about my Mom’s English, my hatred of Chinese banks, and my bewilderment … Continue reading
For the Caregivers of the English-impaired
When people ask me what languages I know, of course English and Chinese come to mind. French was mandatory till Grade 10, but that doesn’t mean I’d retained any. I … Continue reading
That Chinese Chick Can’t Cook Rice
For my birthday I had a group of friends over to my place for a birthday / leftover X’mas / Chinese New Year hot pot (fondue) dinner. Traditionally in the … Continue reading
The Time I Wrote a Love Letter to Myself
In the ’90s, teaching English in Taiwan was as easy as getting piss-ass drunk on cheap beer and mistaking every stranger in the bar for someone you know. The Taiwanese … Continue reading
More a Tweet Than a Post: Happy Chinese New Year!
A few posts back I promised to display my latest Chinese New Year acquisition – the 2012 edition of the Chinese New Year red panty, which my mother sent me … Continue reading
“Help!” (Wanted): The Story of Boogie Wang, Chloe Chu, Pinky Lo & One Kinky Ho
In Hong Kong, recruiting an English-speaking Account Representative is easier than in China, as English is one of the two official languages. The issue I have is with the names … Continue reading
Lies My Superstitious Chinese Mother Told Me & the Longevity Panty
I’m the first-born byproduct of old-world Chinese parents. My Father is nearly twice my age and my Mother is irrational, but has very nice skin. My Mother, like many Chinese … Continue reading
Ode to Alcohol
Just having returned from China, walking into a US liquor store was as close to a religious experience as I was ever going to get: I almost dropped to my … Continue reading
Driving Miss Crazy
Unlike Jessica Tandy in “Driving Miss Daisy”, I just can’t get used to the idea of having my own Driver in China. I KNOW that in China, as in many … Continue reading
Teaching My Elderly Chinese Parents the Computer
The other day, my younger sister, Annie, lamented to me over instant messenger, “Mom forwarded me some weird email from one of her Chinese friends about eating all my vegetables … Continue reading
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