lostnchina

…because not all of us have our Peking ducks in a row

The Fifty Shades of Skymall

Factory Manager Jia has been working at our factory in China since he was about 20 years old.  He’s now in his mid-30s.  When I met him for the first … Continue reading

April 7, 2013 · 23 Comments

Hells Bell’s Palsy: The Symptoms of a Chinese Mother

Bell’s palsy “is a form of facial paralysis resulting from a dysfunction of the …facial nerve… causing an inability to control facial muscles on the affected side…It is thought that … Continue reading

March 24, 2013 · 28 Comments

Gotta Getta Grip on My Groupons

Having spent most of the last 8 years in China – a land which sells matching dog and owner outfits in approximately the same size, and a half dozen brands … Continue reading

February 28, 2013 · 20 Comments

The Trainer.

Based on events which occurred in a small town in China in 2005 I first saw the Trainer – and I believe that was his name,  as that’s what everyone … Continue reading

February 12, 2013 · 15 Comments

Teaching My Elderly Chinese Parents the Computer

First published December 3, 2011 The other day, my younger sister, Annie, lamented to me over instant messenger, “Mom forwarded me some weird email from one of her Chinese friends … Continue reading

January 21, 2013 · 22 Comments

The Nose Knows & Other Gift Ideas to Alienate Your Friends & Family

I’ll admit it.  I’m one of those suckers for Christmas…presents, that is.  Growing up, it wasn’t so much about what Christmas meant, but what old man Santa would give me … Continue reading

December 20, 2012 · 14 Comments

Worst Album Covers in the Universe

We’re all familiar with the adage, “History repeats itself”, especially in the form of natural or man-made disasters.  In the 14th Century, Europe was crippled by the bubonic plague, which … Continue reading

October 26, 2012 · 25 Comments

The Power of Poo & Other Cross-cultural Conundrums

When people find out that I *live* in China, they always want to know what it’s like.  And from the way they ask and the expressions on their faces, I … Continue reading

October 15, 2012 · 42 Comments

Lostnchina’s One Year Anniversary

In terms of remembering birthdays and anniversaries I’m more like *gasp* a guy.  The beginning of a month rolls around, and I start panicking about whose birthday or anniversary I … Continue reading

September 29, 2012 · 47 Comments

Multi-cultural & Very Experienced Sensual Man Seeks a Beautiful Asian Honey to Treat as His Princess

First off, thank you for looking at my profile from the bottom of my heart.  But in order to make sure that only the most qualified of you are chosen, … Continue reading

September 9, 2012 · 42 Comments

The Sarcastic Woman’s Guide to Online Dating: The Whole Enchilada

From time to time, when I attend a friend’s wedding, or catch reruns of romantic comedies starring a younger Meg Ryan, who still had control over her facial movements, I … Continue reading

August 28, 2012 · 39 Comments

A Lemon Peeler for My Love: A Gift-giving Guide for the Ex in Your Life

If you’ve ever questioned your man’s love for you, just take a look at the presents that you’ve received from him during the course of your relationship.  Perhaps you can … Continue reading

July 24, 2012 · 119 Comments

This Post is Kind of Racist

Originally posted on lostnchina:
I’m ashamed to admit this, but my parents – well, my Mother – after having lived in Canada since the 1970s, has a problem differentiating one…

July 16, 2012 · 2 Comments

Walkers Scottish Oatcakes and the Scottish Invasion of China

Because I’m absolutely lacking in creativity these days, I’m re-posting this piece from September 2011. We don’t hear a lot about Scotland in China, Hong Kong or Taiwan.  I’m sure … Continue reading

July 10, 2012 · 24 Comments

Adventures in Absentmindedness

It is said that goldfish have the worst memory of any living creature in the animal kingdom.  I don’t think this conclusion was reached through years of rigorous, double-blind scientific … Continue reading

July 1, 2012 · 29 Comments

If the Shoe Fits

My sister visited me the other day and I presented her with a garbage-sized bag of shoes I’d purchased throughout the decades, but never got around to wearing. After meticulously … Continue reading

June 11, 2012 · 23 Comments

People’s Republic of WTF?

The other day I realized that, even though this blog is entitled LOSTNCHINA and I frequently blather on about how odd it is to be Chinese-but-not-quite-Chinese-enough in China, I’ve never … Continue reading

May 21, 2012 · 38 Comments

Dating Susan for Dummies

A friend turned me on to a website that lets you generate your own “Dummies” book cover: https://covers.dummies.com/generate.html.  These are my entries, soon to hit the bookshelves at a gas … Continue reading

May 16, 2012 · 14 Comments

How to Succeed at Landing the Chinese Man of Your Nightmares

I know for a sorry fact that, if my Dad were to pass away tomorrow, his greatest regret would not be that 1000+ item Vegas Strip buffet he never tried, … Continue reading

May 8, 2012 · 36 Comments

So You Wanna Own a Piece of China, eh?

I sometimes tell people that, if I hadn’t gotten an MBA, I would’ve gone into home construction and repair instead.  A PhD in Plumbing, an Associates Certificate in Dry-Wallcology, or … Continue reading

May 4, 2012 · 11 Comments

Chinese Chicken Gizzard & Testicle Soup for the Soul: Inspiration for the Uninspirable

You drink this soup I made for you; it will make you stronger and smarter and give you chi.  You don’t do what I say, you’ll die a slow and … Continue reading

April 25, 2012 · 21 Comments

I’m Not Your Amway-Hooker, Travel-Sexcort, Chinabride, Mother-May-I, Ex-Girlfriend-Stand-In: A Scientific Analysis of Susan’s Dating History

Some of you may be saddened to learn that I’ve broken up with the guy mentioned in Why I’m Still Sarcastically Single Part One: Steak.  The relationship lasted a bit … Continue reading

April 15, 2012 · 43 Comments

The Day I Tried to Cut Down on My Drinking

I might sound like a big lush lurching through life, but I drink at the most two (ladylike) glasses of wine a day. However, over the holidays – Thanksgiving 2011, … Continue reading

April 12, 2012 · 8 Comments

Three Made-in-China Things That Almost Killed Me

Most of us are aware of the more obvious dangers that living in China might present – crossing the street and getting hit by a car, driving and getting hit … Continue reading

April 5, 2012 · 28 Comments

Things My Elderly Chinese Parents Say to Me

For the past two-and-a-half weeks I’ve been living with my elderly parents in Taipei, as I’m recovering from surgery.  Having the surgery in Taiwan, with its universal health care, was … Continue reading

March 30, 2012 · 29 Comments

Toto, We’re Not in Kansas Anymore: A Foreigner’s Guide on What NOT TO DO While Living in China

This a revised post first written in 2006 It always amazes me how foreigners who have no ties with China, know nothing about China’s people, culture, or language, suddenly uproot … Continue reading

March 26, 2012 · 12 Comments

The Foreign Customer is Always (Never) Right

As a contributor to your esteemed country’s trade deficit with China, we Chinese suppliers are often given many unflattering labels – opportunistic, unethical, and misleading.  We are accused of seducing … Continue reading

March 16, 2012 · 11 Comments

Toilet Tales

When I first came to China, I had enough drugs in my suitcase to put a pharmacy to shame: Extra-strength Tylenol, Sudafed, Sinutab, calcium tablets, multi-vitamins, oregano oil, garlic pills, … Continue reading

March 11, 2012 · 29 Comments

A Foreign Idiot’s Guide to Running a Business in China

Some of you may wonder what the hell it is I do in China.  I frequently blather on about my Mom’s English, my hatred of Chinese banks, and my bewilderment … Continue reading

March 2, 2012 · 14 Comments

Gadzooks, I’ve Been Tagged!

MrMary and I have a soul connection: the kind you see when two strangers simultaneously reach for the same discounted vodka in a box on the shelf of the liquor … Continue reading

February 27, 2012 · 13 Comments