…because not all of us have our Peking ducks in a row
As I bask in the post-holiday stupor that only Kirkland brand tequila and bowlfuls of those red and white restaurant mints from the Super China Buffet can provide, I’m mesmerized by a series of Japanese Youtube videos and am now convinced we should all be eating seaweed and sushi rice, so that Japanese pods will overtake our brains, and we can look good in skin-tight metro-sexual suits while dancing in arthritic-unison:
It’s no secret that Japan had pissed off a lot of its neighbors in the past, what with the Japanese invasions of Korea and China…and that thing with the Second World War…but how can one stay angry at a nation that extols the virtues of Nipple Sumo Wrestling…?
…or invents a shampoo bottle with a hooky hook – obviously the first of its kind?
Even the stoic Tommy Lee Jones cannot escape the pink, fluffy feminine charms of a Japanese girl and her egg omelet.
Alien Jones (Tommy Lee) Investigating Earth.
Narrator: Akihabara (district in the Chiyoda ward of Tokyo. Source = Wikipedia), Japan on this planet is full of strange people….
Girl: Moe Moe…Rock Paper Scissors…Go! Awww…I lost….(feeds omelet to Tommy Lee Jones) say ahhhh…Chew. Chew Chew Cutie Cutie….
Alien Jones (Tommy Lee) blushes.
Narrator: For this worthless wonderful world…Introducing…Rainbow (pronounced Lainbow) Mountain.
If you take away anything from this post-holiday hangover non-post, it’s that we’d better lose our holiday weight gain and start practicing our Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto dance moves.