lostnchina

…because not all of us have our Peking ducks in a row

Nigerian Bank Scam 2.0 – Part Two

Like the bastard third cousin of Justin Bieber’s hairdresser, I’ve been shunned by the Nigerian Bank Scammer community.  I’d been hoping to bring you the brilliant conclusion to my Nigerian Bank Scam 2.0 – Part One, but after several email exchanges with Setsuo Yeboah about his USD15 million, and sending Glenn Bitts/Micbenny/Benneth Crist our spec sheet for cutting-edge made-in-China headwear in response to his request to “do business”, this is what I’ve received in return, time and time again:

Hi. This is the qmail-send program at roproxy2-pub.unifiedlayer.com.

I’m afraid I wasn’t able to deliver your message to the following addresses.

This is a permanent error; I’ve given up. Sorry it didn’t work out.

 <service@post.com>:

74.208.5.4 does not like recipient.

 — Enclosed are the original headers of the message.

Ladies and Gentlemen, my IP has been blocked by Nigerian bank scammers.  No scammer has sent me an email for two weeks.
(ie. They do not like me.)

And here’s why:

Hello ,

We are interested in buying your products in large quantities for a huge government contract supply.

We are a marketing/trading company based in Austria that buys products in bulk. We have gone through your website and we are actually highly in need of these products for huge contract supply. What are your payment terms? Please advise.

Please feel free for any further queries in future.  We’ll be happy to reply.

We do assure for the best business relationship.

Regards,

Glenn Blitts,

Head, Sales Dept,

Walmart South Industries,

4605 S State Street ,

Vienna, IL 60609-4699, Austria

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From: lostnchina
To: walmartsouthindustries <walmartsouthindustries@outlook.com>

Dear Glenn Beck,

Is Vienna, Illinois, Austria anywhere near Paris, Texas, France?

Vive la 10-gallon chapeau de Texas cowboy, y’all!

Kinky Ho (you can call me Kinky!)
Skype: K-HO-69

PS: Our quotation for HATS is attached!  It is our hottest selling item!

hats

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From: Joha Kamara [mailto:john_kamara38@yahoo.com]
Sent: Friday, August 02, 2013 2:58 PM
To: undisclosed recipients:
Subject: From Captain James Moten

 From Captain James Moten
Attn,
I am Captain James Moten with the United states marines in Iraq on war against terrorism.

While the war was going on here in Iraq,It happened that a substantial amount of cash was recovered from one of our raids on terrorist hide out,I have in my possession the sum of USD$ 5 .2 million and I want to invest this funds,

This is the main reason why I have contacted you to assist me in this transaction after which I am willing to settle you with 30% of the total sum.You will advice me on the business to invest in since I am not business oriented. I want to move this money to your destination for you to safe keep it for me until am out of Iraq,so I need someone I could trust.If you accept then we can proceed.
I am American and an intelligence officer,so I have a 100% authentic means of transferring the money through a red cross diplomat. I just need your acceptance and all is done. If you are interested in this transaction I will give to you the complete details you need for us to carry out this transaction successfully.

I believe I can trust you. Presently we can only communicate through our military communication facilities which are secured so nobody can monitor our emails,I will only reach you through email, because our calls might be monitored, I just have to be sure whom I am dealing with.
I wait for your response so we can proceed immediately because In less than 5 days the money should be in your safe custody.
Please do reply me.

Regards
Capt.James Moten

dollar sign dividerDear Captain James Moten:

It is with great surprise that we received your letter regarding 5.2USD Million recovered from a terrorist raid in Iraq.  But we figured it would be a matter of time before some embittered or disillusioned employee of the US Government would screw them over by leaking military secrets or revealing NSA’s covert activities.  Do you know Snowden or Manning, by the way? 

Anyway, before we can accept your offer, we must verify some things –

       How do we know you are not terrorist or who you are?  How do we know you are not terrorist trying to save money in our bank account?

       As our country watches our bank account closely to suddenly have 5.2USD Million will generate a lot of problems for us.  In fact, it may make our government freeze all the money in the bank account and this will cause problems for you, too.  How will you recommend the money be sent to us?

          Are you related to Captain James T. Kirk, Captain Kangaroo, or Cap’n Crunch?  You have such similar names.

Live long and prosper,

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From: Joha Kamara [mailto:john_kamara38@yahoo.com]
To: lostnchina
Subject: From Captain James Moten

Thank you so much for at least responding to this proposal. It will be nice doing business with you.

I am happy with the content of your mail as it portray the kind of person that you are. If it were to be that greedy type, they will immediately jump at the opportunity even without asking any question.

Yes I am aware of Snowden or Manning cases. Snowden just had a temporal assylum with the Russian government whole Manning is still in London on Assylum.

First and foremost, I am not a terrorist as my ID CARD, PASSPORT and PHOTO as attached speaks for itself. The ruth of the matter is that after the raiding, most senior officers made away with almost of the monies. I could not stand it and decided to corner these without the knowledge of any person. The issue concerning the money is case closed because senior officers benefited more. Please I beg you in the name of God to make this transaction classfied. I want us to communicate via email only for the complete secrecy of this transaction.

CAPTAIN JAMES MOTEN ID

(I didn’t doctor in the name)

James Moten, aka. Maynulet, during heavier and less myopic times

James Moten, aka. Maynulet, during heavier and less myopic times

On how the money would get to you should not be your worries. I will employ all neccessary means to get the money to you without any problem. I am a security expert as you should trust my judgement on how I am going to handle it.

I am not related to Captain James T. Kirk, Captain Kangaroo, Captain Crunch. It happen that we have almost similar name.

Be rest assured that in a couple of days, we will conclude this matter.

I wait your response.

Capt James Moten.

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You know, Captain Kirk/Kangaroo/Crunch/Moten/Maynulet – I can understand your pain and frustration at having to solicit people online via email one by one; your method is just too time consuming and ineffective.  If you’ve got all that cash, you’ve got a great future ahead of you – all you need is the right profile and pictures to hook that special lady online…without even doing anything!

So I’ve put up a profile for you on OK Cupid – Nigerian BS is your profile name.  I’ve signed your email up for the latest match updates, quizzes, events in your area and messages from adoring females.  You’ll be thanking me when the emails from all the single luscious ladies start pouring in!

May the force be with you!

Clicking on the profile will enlarge it.Nigerian BS

Nigerian BS1Nigerian BS2

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24 comments on “Nigerian Bank Scam 2.0 – Part Two

  1. katechiconi
    October 21, 2013

    Very, very funny. I laughed till I almost blew bubbles out of my nose. Yeah, OK, maybe a bit too much information there. What a great idea saving that s…t and making a post out of it. I repeat my offer of hard cash to watch you do stand up…

    Like

    • lostnchina
      October 22, 2013

      I think a stand up routine of this post would involve me wearing a “frog giving birth” cap and there just isn’t enough alcohol in the world that could make me do that. But thanks for your vote of confidence. Ribbit.

      Like

  2. bronxboy55
    October 12, 2013

    Obviously the scam never works, because if it did, they’d be able to afford a decent proofreader.

    Great post, as always, Susan.

    Like

    • lostnchina
      October 22, 2013

      Actually, it would be interesting to write to the scammers and offer proofreading services for FREE, but only after they deposit 12 million into my Chinese bank account. Thanks for reading, Charles.

      Like

  3. Kaufman's Kavalkade
    September 23, 2013

    LoL. The scammers won’t ever respond to me. I’ve tried.

    Like

    • lostnchina
      September 24, 2013

      Considering how dumb the scammers are, I’m surprised how many people are scammed by them.

      Like

      • Kaufman's Kavalkade
        September 24, 2013

        Yeah, I’ve written on that, haha. Konsumer Affairs Krew. lol.

        Like

        • lostnchina
          September 24, 2013

          Which post? Couldn’t find it. Actually, was able to engage in some of those idiots in the first post, but got too greedy http://wp.me/p1Obvd-151
          Like I said, it’s amazing how dumb they are, or how dumb they are to think how stupid we are.

          Like

  4. Pingback: Waning Standards? | american taitai

  5. Vicky
    August 16, 2013

    Aw c’mon, he SAID you could trust him. What more proof do you need?

    Like

    • lostnchina
      August 16, 2013

      I would probably believe him more if he had sent me a picture of Capn’ Crunch.

      Like

  6. gingerfightback
    August 15, 2013

    Brilliant!

    Like

    • lostnchina
      August 16, 2013

      I would like to establish a consultancy for these scammers so that they could write more convincing letters. It’s sad how some people are taken in by them, considering the scammers have the collective IQ of a moss-covered rock.

      Like

  7. expatlingo
    August 15, 2013

    Dear Fu K. Yu & Sons: Will you accept a commission for four (4) hats featuring the H7N9 virus? I would like to ensure that my family and I always have open seats around us on Hong Kong’s MTR, on all ferries to China or Macau, and on any and all future Air Asia “open seating” flights. Will pay extra for hat designs that incorporate face masks and Purell dispenser.

    Like

    • lostnchina
      August 16, 2013

      Dear Sir/Madam,

      Thanks for your inquiry! Unfortunately, all of our H7N9 hats are so popular now they are sold out. We are selling past-season SARS hats at a discount and are throwing in two packs of diaper wipes (pine-scented). Please write for more details.

      Like

  8. becomingcliche
    August 15, 2013

    I’m sorry it didn’t work out with Glen Bitts, too. It’s a little hurtful and judgmental for the server to say they don’t like the recipient. Do they even KNOW the recipient?

    Like

    • lostnchina
      August 16, 2013

      Yes, I do believe that’s a little too harsh to say they don’t LIKE me. But considering I practically sent them two dozen emails with the hat quote, it’s not really surprising.

      Like

  9. americantaitai
    August 15, 2013

    Instead of “please I beg you in the name of God to make this transaction classfied” I’m hearing James T. Kirk saying “For the love of God…” in a uber-dramatic fashion. Hm… Wow, you’ve been blocked by hackers/scammers/spammers! What a feat! There should be an award for that! Congrats!

    Like

    • lostnchina
      August 16, 2013

      Thank you. Can’t say it’s an *honor* everyone has the privilege of having.

      Like

  10. WSW
    August 15, 2013

    Here’s what I want to know: What exactly are the roles of Mr. Greenjeans and Mr. Spock in all this? And also, I suspect that Rocket J. Squirrel has a hand (or paw) in this scheme — call it a gut feeling. Please investigate and get back to me.

    Like

    • lostnchina
      August 16, 2013

      Dear Wendie, I have just returned from a three-day two-night camping trip (my first ever) made bearable only because of the 80pcs of non-scented diaper wipes I brought with me and am confronted with your comment about Mr. Greenjeans and Rocket J. Squirrel. Let me have a margarita from a plastic cup and get back to you on that one.

      Like

      • WSW
        August 16, 2013

        How in the name of God did you survive a camping trip with no tequila?

        Like

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