lostnchina

…because not all of us have our Peking ducks in a row

A Lemon Peeler for My Love: A Gift-giving Guide for the Ex in Your Life

If you’ve ever questioned your man’s love for you, just take a look at the presents that you’ve received from him during the course of your relationship.  Perhaps you can the remember the story behind that 50th birthday diamond necklace, or the memories from your 10th wedding anniversary when you were whisked away to a remote tropical island, where there were straw huts with thatched roofs and monkey butlers serving you meals in hollowed-out coconut shells, while playing The Girl from Ipanema on their mini-accordions.

Lemon peeler – $9.99/each
Cost of lemons at the Safeway – $1.99/each
The look on Susan’s face as the lemon she’s trying to peel squirts into her eye – Priceless

But if you’re like me, you’ll wonder why you have a soup ladle that’s larger than the size of your head and ass combined.  It may also take several months for you to realize that no amount of washing and drying that size “L” Turkish bathrobe is going to bring it down to a “XS”.  And, despite your best efforts, you discover there really are no other uses for a lemon peeler – other than to peel the lemons you’re going to suck on, when you discover that the soup ladle was something your ex had laying around and had never used.

Over-sized ladle for dinosaur-bone soup: $3.49/each
Dinosaurs: Extinct
The guy who gave me the ladle: Dumped

If the gifts that I’ve received from my exes are supposed to represent their feelings towards me, then their message is unanimously loud and clear – Clean, mend, or cook something and look like an incredible douche bag while doing it.

The first present I had ever received from a boy I liked was in the fourth grade during my birthday party.  The boy – Robert Fernandez.  The present – an intricately-woven sewing basket with with padded green satin lining, filled with various colored threads and needles, and a perfectly-smooth, egg-shaped rock.  Robert was first-generation Spanish-Canadian, and his family was from a land, where the word darn wasn’t negative when used with the word socks.  Robert’s parents had probably thought that a sewing kit was the perfect gift for a fourth-grade girl, who could barely button her shirt properly.

But I was on the right track with the egg rock: by placing the rock inside my gym socks, tying it at the end and waving it around over my head, it proved to be a formidable weapon against those who dared to suggest that I should learn to sew.

Frumpy frock: Found on the side of the freeway
Material: Nylon and the tears of unwed women with mustaches
Occasion: A chastity belt cost too much

The gifts didn’t get any better after Robert.  In the sixth grade I got the flu from Trevor McAllister when we were practicing Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.  To be fair, Trevor hadn’t meant to give me his flu – putting myself solidly in front of his one-nostril, fire breathing, phlegm hacking breath did that.  But given his immense popularity in school, most girls would have given their right lungs to get tuberculosis from Trevor.

For about two weeks, through glassy eyes and a raging fever, I basked in the glory of having gotten my flu from Trevor McAllister.  Mono – the kissing disease – would have been better.  However, beggars like me couldn’t be choosers of their diseases.  Trevor, on the other hand, doesn’t remember me and nor the fact that I had deeply-inhaled in his direction every time he opened his mouth, during the three weeks of rehearsals.

Egg slicer: $3.29/each
Function: Slices eggs
Number of times used: Big. Fat. Zero.

The first time I had ever received a bouquet of nice flowers that was sold in a store and not illegally-picked from someone’s cat-pee yard was at the age of 20 from Michael Yu – a 30-year-old self-proclaimed Gynecologist, whose motto was, If you’re not drinking, smoking, or womanizing, you’re doing something wrong!  The fact that Michael had enough pictures of ex-girlfriends to fill two shoe boxes somehow made him seem glamorous to me – like a guy who had over ten thousand friends on Facebook.

The flowers, like our relationship, had to be kept a secret, otherwise his other girlfriend(s) would find out.  For some reason I can’t remember now, I’d kept the vase of flowers in my closet, and one day, when reaching for my frumpy red nightgown, knocked the vase over, shattering it into a million pieces – a fitting analogy for what eventually happened to our relationship.

Over-sized large Turkish bathrobe as found on the moon of Endor
Color: Bile green (not as the color shown)
Number of accidents caused: 15 – knocked over wine glasses 10 times, fallen down the stairs 3 times, fallen up the stairs 2 times,
(Actual robe may appear more idiotic than the one shown)

Now, I don’t mean to sound ungrateful about the presents I’ve received throughout the years from my exes, because gift-giving between couples is a tricky thing even in the best of relationships.  I’d like to think that the ex who had given me the Old-Mother-Hubbard-style red nylon nightgown saw me as a sexy and sensual woman and not just another excuse for impotence.  And that Cuisinart food processor/blender-giving ex is still pining over the breakup of our relationship almost 15 years later, despite the fact that I had never once used the food processor when we were together and was never able give him the finely-diced onions he desperately needed on top of his hot dogs and tacos.

I believe the main issue with gift-giving in a relationship is the dollar value of the gifts versus the sentiments evoked versus the appropriateness of giving certain gifts during certain points of the relationship.  For example, if Johnny’s been dating Nancy for only one month and Nancy’s birthday comes around, what should he give her?  Silicone breast implants seem too soon and costly, but a ceramic toothpick dispenser in the shape of two large breasts might not properly convey Johnny’s deep feelings for Nancy’s noble knockers.

And what about the two-year relationship that has now become a platonic friendship?  One month after the breakup, it may seem odd to just give your ex-boyfriend a Costco-sized bottle of Rogaine, when only two months earlier you were effusing about the “thick, luscious head of hair” that you had delighted in running your fingers through everyday.

Which brings us back to my lemon peeler.  If you’re an observant lush, like my friend WSW, who eagerly makes and knocks back cocktails, as if there’s a penny to be found at the bottom of every drained cocktail glass – you’ll notice that the peeler shown makes the twisty rinds used as garnishes for cocktail concoctions.  This lemon peeler was given to me for Christmas – along with a Wusthof knife, a copy of Tina Fey’s “Bossypants”, and a bottle of very spicy, pepper-infused balsamic/olive oil blend for dipping bread.

This basket of gifts was totally unexpected, as my ex and I had broken up less than one month earlier.  We were at that awkward stage of gift-giving, when it was no longer appropriate to give each other hilarious intimates that ride up your crotch or give you a uni-boob, but it was still too early to resort to last-minute purchases from the local Walgreens.

Last-minute Walgreens purchase for the ex in your life –
The Obamafro Chia

Confronted with the gift-giving uncertainty of freshly-broken up couples, my ex had stayed safe and spent about as much money on the gifts as he would have were we still dating.  (That Wusthof knife was not cheap.)  However, when a man gives a woman a gift basket containing a lemon peeler, a dipping sauce that is so spicy you’ll want to cut your tongue off with the sharp German knife, and a NYT best-selling book written by a cute and hilarious comedienne with dozens of accolades under her belt, even the most delusional among us knows that the relationship is over.  The dollar value of the gifts might have been there, but the sentiment clearly was not.

Here are a few more gift-giving ideas for the ex in your life:

The Tony Soprano Special: For the ex who left you for his gumar – a supply of pork branded with all of your exes’ names, a dead fish wrapped in a newspaper, with a gun in its mouth. (Present is more meaningful if your ex is Jewish.)

Gift ideas for the cheapskate ex – Take him out for a birthday meal at the free sample carts in Costco; give him a coupon for McDonald’s, or a half-eaten sandwich found on the ground.  How about an opened-container of Tic Tacs.

After the relationship ends, there’s no need to sugarcoat your exes’ shortcomings. Tell him how you REALLY feel with a plastic tape measure, an industrial-sized container of Rogaine, and a Phil Collins 8-track. And if the Rogaine doesn’t work, give him a Phil Spector-style wig instead.

Related Posts:

I’m Not Your Amway-Hooker, Travel Sexcort, Chinabride, Mother-May-I, Ex-girlfriend Stand-in: A Scientific Analysis of Susan’s Dating History

Why I’m Still Sarcastically Single: Part One – Steak

How to Succeed at Landing the Chinese Man of Your Nightmares

Super Susan Speed Dating

The Time that I Wrote a Love Letter to Myself

119 comments on “A Lemon Peeler for My Love: A Gift-giving Guide for the Ex in Your Life

  1. Pingback: Weekly Writing Challenge: From Mundane to Meaningful | The Daily Post at WordPress.com

  2. Carey Kennon
    August 2, 2012

    Susan, you are soooooooo funny!!! I can’t remember the last time I have laughed this hard! Love your writing! Love the pics! The first present my husband ever gave me, was when we were dating. I was hoping for an engagement ring, for my birthday in April. He bought me a vacuum sweeper, and gave me the belts and bags for Easter! I stuck a crazy bumper sticker on it, and made sure those floors were clean. We still laugh about it—25 years later. I’ll be following you—you are a delightful writer!!!

    Like

    • lostnchina
      August 2, 2012

      Carey – Glad my gifts (which will probably end up at the Goodwill at some point) give everyone else so much pleasure.

      Well, your vacuum sweeper is an odd dating gift, but I guess belts and bags for Easter kind of makes up for it – most people usually wouldn’t get anything for Easter! But, tell me, did you have to wait till Easter to actually start USING the vacuum?

      Like

      • Carey Kennon
        August 4, 2012

        I used it right away, since it had a belt on it already. That same week Oprah had a segment about the kinds of gifts men give the women they love. Oprah suggested if the gifts weren”t sexy, you should get rid of that man. I thought about it, but I couldn’t see ending it with a perfectly good man. We’ve been together for 25 years, and he is a much better gift-giver today. (BTW Compared to the gifts his mother gave, a vacuum was a good gift.)

        Like

  3. Esenga' s Voice
    July 31, 2012

    Reblogged this on Esenga's Voice and commented:
    Laughed so much reading this. Couldn’ t not share!

    Like

  4. Come November
    July 26, 2012

    I randomly clicked on you from some other site and I HEART this post. Cracked me the hell up. I recall such gifts myself from relationships after the end of which I end up thinking “What the EFF was I doing?” Gonna check out some of your other posts. Loving the sense of humor.

    Like

    • lostnchina
      July 26, 2012

      Thanks. Yeah, I guess all of us have had those “What the EFF was I doing?” moments.

      Like

  5. Erin McNaughton
    July 26, 2012

    I absolutely love this!! You have a great sense of humor. I’m completely the go-out-of-my-way to make or purchase something really personal for people…so I find it ridiculous when people give worthless trinkets. I think I’d rather them forget to give something than to try and fail at finding a decent gift. I can’t wait to follow and hear more. 🙂

    Like

    • lostnchina
      July 26, 2012

      Hi Erin, thanks for the compliment. I admire people like you who can think of personal gifts for people. A lemon peeler is as person as some of my friends get sometimes 😦

      Like

  6. becomingcliche
    July 26, 2012

    FP! Woo-hoo!

    Like

    • lostnchina
      July 26, 2012

      Yea, yea…if you send me that pork chop now, I’ll sign it with ketchup. 😉

      Like

  7. The Accidental Mrs.
    July 26, 2012

    Hilarious post! Looking forward to following your blog and reading more from you!

    Amanda
    TheAccidentalMrs.wordpress.com

    Like

  8. libby in lavender
    July 26, 2012

    I loved everything about this post. I just found your blog on Freshly Pressed-and can’t wait to read more!

    Like

  9. Lia
    July 26, 2012

    oh my gosh I LOVED this post, you are an amazing writer indeed. This was inspirational indeed. My exes never lasted long enough for me to receive birthday gifts. But my current boyfriend needs direction from me, I am afraid of what he may buy me on his own accord lol

    Like

    • lostnchina
      July 26, 2012

      Interesting that your exes never last long enough to receive bday gifts. I always have a problem with the Valentine’s Day hump. Always get into an argument/break up around that time. Must be a curse. Thanks for reading!

      Like

  10. expatlingo
    July 26, 2012

    Congrats on being Freshly Pressed! (And thanks also for helping me finalize my Christmas shopping list in July).

    Like

    • lostnchina
      July 26, 2012

      Thanks. If you need more suggestions, I’ve got a trunk full of stuff I need to take to Goodwill I can zoom over to your house. I’ll exchange these for any one of your broken lightbulbs or a cast iron skillet in the shape of a cat’s head.

      Like

  11. pharmadesuwa
    July 25, 2012

    witty and informative!!! made me laugh and think deeply at the same time..
    pleaase check out http://goodhealthnaija.wordpress.com
    thank you!

    Like

    • lostnchina
      July 26, 2012

      Thanks for stopping by. Will definitely check out your site.

      Like

  12. Kayleigh Tanner
    July 25, 2012

    I loved this post! I do often think about old gifts from exes lingering in my house. I’ve never received kitchen utensils, but I think I might have got more use out of them than some of the other odd selection of items I’ve been given over the years!

    Like

    • lostnchina
      July 26, 2012

      Yes, I guess kitchen utensils are more practical than a robe made for Ewoks! Thanks for reading.

      Like

  13. bronxboy55
    July 25, 2012

    You’re one of the funniest writers around, Susan. Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed. And for your new readers, I’d like to recommend another of your recent posts:

    https://lostnchina.wordpress.com/2012/07/01/adventure-absentminded/

    Like

  14. Val
    July 25, 2012

    Fab post! 😀

    The love of my life (who will never be an ex) gave me a packet of cable tidies… I’ve not used them yet. It’s always the practical presents isn’t it… the ones we often don’t immediately find a use for… ! (But I’m grateful anyway!)

    Like

    • lostnchina
      July 25, 2012

      I think presents like cable tidies are OK, as long as it’s not accompanied by used garbage bags and leftover Indian food. Thanks for stopping by!

      Like

  15. allthingsgirlrelated
    July 25, 2012

    Fantastic piece of writing!! Very funny and quite true to life too! Thanks for the advice! 🙂

    Like

  16. home, garden, life
    July 25, 2012

    Fun blog! It brings back memories of past gifts from guys: a pair of custom bird shooter boots from Russell Moccasin (still wear them thirty years later), a used single shot 22 Remington rifle (he should have turned it on himself), numerous knives–used (was he trying to tell me something?), insignificant silver jewelry (sold), Japanese pearl necklace and matching earrings (kept), one engagement ring (sold), and numerous garden books signed, “I will love you always.” Yeah, right. I have known a lot of men, yet choose to remain single…

    Thanks for the walk down memory lane…now I can laugh. 😉

    Like

    • lostnchina
      July 25, 2012

      Thanks for the compliment. Looks like you also have quite a few stories to share….

      BTW, what the hell are “custom bird shooter boots” – you mean the ones with the spurs?

      Like

      • home, garden, life
        July 25, 2012

        Funny you! Bird shooter boots are designed for people who hunt birds and ducks…go figure. I never hunted birds, yet a couple former ex-men did and one decided that I should have a pair of boots. They come in handy as they are custom/comfortable for walking/hiking.

        Like

  17. thecontradictoryoptimist
    July 25, 2012

    Brilliant piece of writing!

    This post reminds me of my grandfather. He always had my aunt pick out gifts for everyone. The one year he picked a gift for my grandmother, he bought her a lemon peeler! We never did figure why though..

    Like

    • lostnchina
      July 25, 2012

      Ha! It’s a *sign*. Actually, another commenter said she can shave off her callouses with the peeler…although this is probably information I wouldn’t share with Grandma.

      Like

  18. Esenga' s Voice
    July 25, 2012

    Lovely! And really made me smile! Just discovered your blog and already like it a lot!

    Like

  19. wifeyna-mommypa
    July 25, 2012

    so funny and witty, made travel back down to memory lane and thought of the gifts i recieved from exes… hmmm.

    Like

    • lostnchina
      July 25, 2012

      Thanks for the compliment. No sense in looking back and agonizing over those gifts. Just enjoy that – used kleenex, half-eaten pork chop, aphid-covered rose bouquet. 😉

      Like

  20. france59
    July 25, 2012

    My memorable (or maybe I should say unforgettable) gift was a portable tire inflator to keep in my car trunk…yes, I was a little perturbed. It was one of those semi-thoughtful, useful, horrible gifts no young lady wants to receive for Christmas.

    Like

    • lostnchina
      July 25, 2012

      …and don’t tell me. HE wanted to borrow it all the time?

      Like

      • france59
        July 27, 2012

        When we split, I no longer had it in my trunk…tell you anything? 🙂

        Like

  21. Vagabond in Service
    July 25, 2012

    This is freaking hilarious and oh so true! The best present I ever got from a guy was from the 3rd grade and he drew me a picture. Although, to be honest, I don’t have a good frame of reference cause I’m a little gun shy when it comes to relationships (gotta love that fear of intimacy) but there’s something about men and gifts that makes them go brain-dead….

    Like

    • lostnchina
      July 25, 2012

      Know what you mean. A guy I was dating named “Steve”, once gave me this man’s cologne he got in some weird boutique. The name of the cologne – “Esteban”. I still have it. It’s the color of piss now.

      Thanks for stopping by!

      Like

  22. gloominatiquer
    July 25, 2012

    A designer dress. First gift. First fight the week later. First breakup of the year. A lot of firsts…
    Better start collecting those coupons! Thanks for putting a smile on my face today 😉

    Like

    • lostnchina
      July 25, 2012

      Designer dress ain’t bad! Thanks for the compliment.

      Like

  23. Pingback: Memorable gift | Pairodox Farm

  24. Mom Meets Blog
    July 25, 2012

    Too funny! My mom always says “it’s the thought that counts” and I always reply “so THAT’S what you think of me?!” Some folks should keep their thoughts to themselves 🙂 Congrats on being freshly pressed!

    Like

    • lostnchina
      July 25, 2012

      Thank you! Ha! And you are absolutely right about the “thought that counts” part. Some thoughts are left better kept to themselves!

      Like

  25. charlottesrow
    July 25, 2012

    I bought one of those peelers myself a few years and in fact I used it this morning, Honestly it’s better than scraping your knuckles on a grater when you need lemon rind for a recipe! However, if I had received as a gift from an ex, I’m not so sure I would use it. Thanks for the laughs!

    Like

    • lostnchina
      July 25, 2012

      Well, I’m glad someone agrees with me. And really, how often does one grate citrus rinds anyway?

      Like

  26. Anonymous
    July 25, 2012

    My last ex gave me a cork screw and a deluxe set of band-aids to go with it. I’m getting better.

    Like

    • lostnchina
      July 25, 2012

      Were they the band aids with cute cartoon characters on them, like Spongebob?

      Like

  27. Larissa
    July 25, 2012

    Wow! I once had a boyfriend who gave me a pomegranate (as in a piece of fruit) for Christmas. He thought it was a fantastic idea…

    Like

    • lostnchina
      July 25, 2012

      In your boyfriend’s *defense*, if you lived in the North Pole, maybe a pomegranate would be a cool thing, as it’s uncommon. I gather, you’re not from the North Pole?

      Like

  28. Merryn
    July 25, 2012

    Egg slicers also make an excellent addition to the kitchen implement orchestra (along with saucepan lid cymbals, pan drums and spoon castanets, of course) in any good home.

    Plus the lemon rinder is also a canelle knife – yes, that one is genuine! Stripey cucumbers to go with those cocktails? Done!

    Like

    • lostnchina
      July 25, 2012

      You sound like quite the gourmet chef. I’m still trying to find a spoon small enough to make it to the bottom of the jar of pasta sauce that’s three-month’s expired. My fingers are also too stubby,

      Like

  29. Jennifer M.
    July 25, 2012

    When we were first dating, my husband gave me a swiss army knife. Huh?

    But guess what? We used it to cut our wedding cake (17 years ago), have opened countless bottles of beer and wine, and I still use it to get into UPS boxes. Sometimes, you never know..

    PS – the egg slicer can be used to slice olives, so save money buy purchasing whole pitted olives 😉

    Like

    • lostnchina
      July 25, 2012

      Hey, that’s a good idea (with the sliced olives). Never thought about sticking other vegetables in there. Now, where did I put that summer squash….

      Like

  30. At Home With God
    July 25, 2012

    I wasn’t aware that exes went on to give gifts to their once-significant-other on their birthdays. Those are some gifts you’ve received and suggested!

    Like

  31. daisychaindesign
    July 25, 2012

    This is brilliant. One boyfriend sent me a text saying “how does it feel to turn 5?” That was it, no card, no prezzie, nothing. He thought it was funny. It wasn’t.

    Like

    • lostnchina
      July 25, 2012

      Maybe that was a text he was hoping you’d give to him on his birthday?

      OK, now I don’t feel so bad. Thanks for making my day! 🙂

      Like

  32. amanda
    July 25, 2012

    My ex once made me a thong. Out of duct tape.

    Like

    • lostnchina
      July 25, 2012

      10 for creativity,
      1000000 for stupidity?
      Hilarious! And you lived to talk about it.

      Like

  33. asoulwalker
    July 25, 2012

    Thank you for the gift of humour.

    Like

  34. Kerra Michele
    July 25, 2012

    Hilarious! The worst gift I ever received wasn’t from an ex, but from my current in-laws. It was a hobo bag made from plastic neon reptile skin in a patchwork quilt pattern — with handcuffs as the closure. I’m pretty sure there was some hidden meaning behind it but I never could figure out what it was…

    Like

  35. Kerra Michele
    July 25, 2012

    Hilarious! The worst gift I ever received wasn’t from an ex but from my current in-laws… They got me a hobo bag made of quilted neon plastic reptile skins — with handcuffs as the closure. I’m pretty sure there was some hidden meaning behind it but I still can’t figure it out. That was 3 years ago. http://www.AptEnvy.com

    Like

  36. swimmersbun
    July 25, 2012

    ahh this was quite entertaining. I may have to start looking at old gifts in a new way!
    http://itscalledaswimmersbun.wordpress.com/

    Like

  37. diapasonliason
    July 25, 2012

    Hahahaha! I love this! Made me laugh so hard! Just reminds me of when my ex and I were going through a rough patch and he bought me a spongebob umbrella…after 3 years of being together…I knew right there and then that it was over! paahahahaah!

    Like

    • lostnchina
      July 25, 2012

      Why Spongebob umbrella? Any “romantic significance”?!

      Like

      • diapasonliason
        July 25, 2012

        Because he knew I liked Spongebob…but that doesn’t mean I want to walk around with an umbrella and publicise it! I was 21 years old at the time haha!

        Like

  38. Java Girl
    July 25, 2012

    That is some funny stuff! This has me thinking of some past gifts I’ve received….. thanks for a great post!!!

    Like

  39. shnoozikle
    July 24, 2012

    Lol! I cant stop laughing though, smh!

    Like

  40. Mirror MUSES
    July 24, 2012

    Great idea!! Now, it’s making me think about the gifts I’ve received!

    Like

  41. Patia
    July 24, 2012

    Awesome and hilarious! I LOVED this post. I’m curious though – why hold on to the gifts when the relationships over? I Usually trash anything that I didn’t want (and even some of the stuff I did want if the breakup is bad enough)…

    Like

    • lostnchina
      July 25, 2012

      True – why hold on to the gifts, as you say. But I know I’ll use the lemon peeler at some point. The Cuisinart is pretty good – though the ugly clothes are the first to go.

      Thanks for stopping by.

      Like

  42. kristennemarie
    July 24, 2012

    This is so funny 🙂 I’ve never really given much thought about the gifts my ex gave. A burning ritual after a breakup is actually exhilarating, haha

    Like

  43. Immediately attracted to the lemon peeler and my blog is lemony 🙂 It has a ring to it, the title 🙂 Wonderful post, I always find gifts very tricky and almost always buy something I – and not the receiver will like!

    Like

  44. ChangeTheWorld
    July 24, 2012

    Hilarious. This is probably my favorite blog post about relationships that I have ever read 🙂 Thanks for sharing!

    http://stepstochangetheworld.wordpress.com/

    Like

    • lostnchina
      July 25, 2012

      Thanks for the compliment. My weird exes thank you as well.

      Like

  45. mary
    July 24, 2012

    I would give the Chia pet. It shows him how much you are thinking about him. (an afterthought).

    Like

  46. lexiesnana
    July 24, 2012

    Very funny and informative.In my life my husband and son have given me every Ronco product ever made for every celebrated occasion.

    Like

  47. Mikalee Byerman
    July 24, 2012

    Last Christmas, I gave my boyfriend a copy of the giant picture book “Extraordinary Chickens.” The book is billed as providing a “glorious window into the world of exotic chickens.” It seemed so, so perfect…

    And guess what? We’re still together…

    😉

    Of course, it was a joke. Like I figured the lemon peeler was for you, until I read to the end.

    I think an Obama Chia would have been more fun to receive!

    GREAT post. I write about my own “you can’t make this sh*t up” experiences with marriage/divorce/dating on my blog, and I think you and I could be long-lost bloggy BFFs. I’m subscribing…

    Like

    • lostnchina
      July 25, 2012

      Thanks for the compliment and for following. I’d think “Extraordinary Chickens” would be a hilarious book to receive. The lemon peeler…meh. I’ll definitely check out your blog sometime. Love reading about other people’s marriage/divorce/dating stuff…I don’t feel so *alone* in this.

      Like

  48. segmation
    July 24, 2012

    Hi Susan, What witty dating humor! I am on my way to Walgreen’s to get The Obamafro Chia for my ex! http://www.segmation.wordpress.com

    Like

  49. becomingcliche
    July 24, 2012

    Oh yeah! Not even a McDonaldland gift certificate. A coupon! YES!

    Like

    • lostnchina
      July 24, 2012

      I really know how to wine and dine them!

      Say, that pork chop you’re eating…are you going to finish it? If not, I’ve a Seattle address you can send the leftovers to. I know someone I could re-gift it to.

      Like

  50. WSW
    July 24, 2012

    Thanks for the shout out, Susan! By the way, those lemon peelers can also be used to plane down heel callouses, though of course once they’ve made contact with the soles of your feet, they’re no longer suitable for drink prep. In any decent home. 😉

    Like

    • lostnchina
      July 24, 2012

      Wendie, this is excellent advice! I think multi-function lemon peelers will give those cocktails I’m mixing that extra ooph I’m looking for.

      Like

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This entry was posted on July 24, 2012 by in Dating, Humor and tagged , , , , , .
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