lostnchina

…because not all of us have our Peking ducks in a row

On the @#& Day of Christmas: Hallmark Holiday Rejects

As we barrel toward the Lord of the Rings of holidays, let’s remember the true meaning of Christmas – reindeer, pine trees, and candy canes set against a backdrop of … Continue reading

December 9, 2017 · 12 Comments

Hells Bell’s Palsy: The Symptoms of a Chinese Mother

Originally posted on lostnchina:
Let’s just say this is Annie before Bell’s Palsy. Bell’s palsy “is a form of facial paralysis resulting from a dysfunction of the …facial nerve… causing…

May 6, 2016 · Leave a comment

How to Deal With Talkative Passengers While Flying at 32,000 Feet

For those of you who claimed to have built life-changing friendships, been engaged or married, or reached an epiphany about red meat on a red-eye from San Francisco to New York, … Continue reading

January 5, 2016 · 9 Comments

From My Heart to Your Gag Reflex: Worst Christmas Album Covers…for Now

Originally posted on lostnchina:
Most Benevolent LReader: I’ve been negligent in blogging this year, ’tis true, but what’s a woman with severe writer’s block to do? I’ve agonized and despaired…

December 24, 2015 · 2 Comments

Utterly Unimportant Online Reviews

You know we live in a time that’s dangerously close to the Hello Kitty Apocalypse when random nobodies (ie. Me) can go online and spew effusive, angry, and grammatically-incorrect opinions about things we know little … Continue reading

August 25, 2015 · 9 Comments

Mongolian Barbequed: Four Days & Three Nights in Mongolia with a Chinese Tour Group

It was with near-hysterical fervor that my employees and I had signed up for a four-day guided tour of Inner Mongolia leaving on May 1 – China’s Labor Day – one … Continue reading

May 30, 2015 · 16 Comments

The Sarcastic Woman’s Guide to Online Dating: Your Profile Picture

With Valentine’s Day approaching, those of us who are single will want to brush up their online dating profiles to attract the most worthy Romeo or Juliet.  (First posted May … Continue reading

February 13, 2015 · 2 Comments

A Rude Christmas Interlude for You: T’was the Time After Christmas Dinner…

T’was the night after Christmas dinner, and the family had passed out on the couch from the hearty Christmas fare, not giving a hoot whether St. Nicolas was there. When … Continue reading

December 26, 2014 · Leave a comment

From My Heart to Your Gag Reflex: Worst Christmas Album Covers…for Now

Most Benevolent LReader: I’ve been negligent in blogging this year, ’tis true, but what’s a woman with severe writer’s block to do? I’ve agonized and despaired – plagued with self-doubt, … Continue reading

December 15, 2014 · 20 Comments

Supremely Bizarre Products of All Time

Originally posted on lostnchina:
Most people who are reading this blog about China might want to see weird and funny things – like pictures of misspelled street signs, strange foods,…

October 13, 2014 · 3 Comments

I Just Wanna Play Scrabble and Not Buy You Viagra

Just as someone might want to swim with the sharks or pull a freight train with his testicles – when I lived in southern China, I played online Scrabble to … Continue reading

September 4, 2014 · 14 Comments

Funereality – Part Two

A Buddhist monk, my sneezing sister and I are driving along in a Mercedes with plush leather seats. Something that resembles a dried up stalk of corn is wedged between … Continue reading

July 17, 2014 · 41 Comments

Funereality – Part One

When our beloved pet cockatiel of seventeen years died, my dad had witnessed the event.  He said that Binky had been acting sluggish for about a week – sitting on … Continue reading

May 9, 2014 · 115 Comments

Big Mama Chang’s 2014 Forecast (Through Album Covers)

Recovering from the fattening festivities of the holiday season and looking into my thousand-year old preserved duck’s egg of a crystal ball, I wonder who’s (again) replaced all of my … Continue reading

January 17, 2014 · 25 Comments

A Me-Tube Interlude x 2: LostnJapan

As I bask in the post-holiday stupor that only Kirkland brand tequila and bowlfuls of those red and white restaurant mints from the Super China Buffet can provide, I’m mesmerized … Continue reading

January 2, 2014 · 13 Comments

The Sarcastic Woman’s Guide to Online Dating: Your Profile Picture

My Dear Begirdled and Betrodden Sisters, In my last post of the Sarcastic Woman dating series, I touched upon the importance of a thoughtfully-written and highly-fibrous online dating profile that … Continue reading

December 13, 2013 · 30 Comments

“Help!” (Wanted): The Story of Boogie Wang, Chloe Chu, Pinky Lo & One Kinky Ho

Originally posted on lostnchina:
In Hong Kong, recruiting an English-speaking Account Representative is easier than in China, as English is one of the two official languages.  The issue I have…

November 26, 2013 · Leave a comment

A Halloween Fairy Tale: The Wedding From Hell, a Land Not so Far Away

Over 6 months ago, my sister Annie got a call from a long-lost high school friend, whose name is unfortunately the same as mine – Susan.  For the sake of … Continue reading

October 31, 2013 · 34 Comments

A Very Chinese Home Remodel

You know your elderly Chinese parents have redefined “home remodeling” when they spend the money they have scrimped and saved over the years on a home remodel that features a … Continue reading

October 18, 2013 · 90 Comments

Lost in Translation – Why I’m Not an Interpreter

Originally posted on lostnchina:
My Mother often asks me why I don’t step up and help foreigners translate, as they stammer and gulp their way through the simplest things, like…

September 15, 2013 · 4 Comments

See Susan Go Camping

I was raised in a campingless household.  My Chinese immigrant parents could never understand how our neighbors – with only $240.38 (Canadian) in their bank account (that was US$1.99 in … Continue reading

August 23, 2013 · 35 Comments

Nigerian Bank Scam 2.0 – Part Two

Like the bastard third cousin of Justin Bieber’s hairdresser, I’ve been shunned by the Nigerian Bank Scammer community.  I’d been hoping to bring you the brilliant conclusion to my Nigerian … Continue reading

August 15, 2013 · 24 Comments

Vivian and I are Having a Baby!

Late last year, Vivian, my Accounting Manager and right-hand person in China told me on internet messenger that she was (finally) formally getting married: Me: Congrats!  So…you’re pregnant? Vivian: How … Continue reading

August 8, 2013 · 17 Comments

The Overly Self-Indulgent, Absolutely Optional Non-Anniversary Anniversary Search Term Post

As my blog painfully drags its increasingly bulky ass into its third year – September 2013 – I’m humbled by the number of kind people who faithfully read my posts, … Continue reading

July 30, 2013 · 23 Comments

Nigerian Bank Scam 2.0 – Part 1

Anyone with an email address has seen it all before – Azubuike Onyekachi is the only employee with the Central Bank of Nigeria who has any knowledge of and the … Continue reading

July 15, 2013 · 18 Comments

A Me-tube Interlude

One of the best things about being back in the States is the ability to access websites people in the free world take for granted – The New York Times, the … Continue reading

June 30, 2013 · 23 Comments

Of Banks & Sex – Banking in 21st Century China

Written in April 2006, before the happy advent of internet banking After two years of living in China, I’ve finally made my first wire transfer at a bank without help from … Continue reading

June 15, 2013 · 12 Comments

Dentally Yours: An Adventure in Chinese Medical Misadventure

Ask anyone who’s traveling to a developing country her number one fear and it’s usually either: a) getting robbed, maimed or killed (after which she would most likely end up … Continue reading

May 19, 2013 · 33 Comments

The Sarcastic Woman’s Guide to Online Dating: Your Profile

Congratulations!  Like a lobotomized water buffalo in heat, you have decided to charge ass first – because its larger size will cause more damage – into the increasingly flatulent world … Continue reading

May 12, 2013 · 26 Comments

Lost in Translation: When English is Not Enough

In North America, I communicate in English and also a stripped-down version of English that’s devoid of all articles, prepositions, words that have more than three syllables, and conjugated verbs.  … Continue reading

May 1, 2013 · 16 Comments