On the @#& Day of Christmas: Hallmark Holiday Rejects
As we barrel toward the Lord of the Rings of holidays, let’s remember the true meaning of Christmas – reindeer, pine trees, and candy canes set against a backdrop of … Continue reading
Hells Bell’s Palsy: The Symptoms of a Chinese Mother
Originally posted on lostnchina:
Let’s just say this is Annie before Bell’s Palsy. Bell’s palsy “is a form of facial paralysis resulting from a dysfunction of the …facial nerve… causing…
How to Deal With Talkative Passengers While Flying at 32,000 Feet
For those of you who claimed to have built life-changing friendships, been engaged or married, or reached an epiphany about red meat on a red-eye from San Francisco to New York, … Continue reading
From My Heart to Your Gag Reflex: Worst Christmas Album Covers…for Now
Originally posted on lostnchina:
Most Benevolent LReader: I’ve been negligent in blogging this year, ’tis true, but what’s a woman with severe writer’s block to do? I’ve agonized and despaired…
Utterly Unimportant Online Reviews
You know we live in a time that’s dangerously close to the Hello Kitty Apocalypse when random nobodies (ie. Me) can go online and spew effusive, angry, and grammatically-incorrect opinions about things we know little … Continue reading
Mongolian Barbequed: Four Days & Three Nights in Mongolia with a Chinese Tour Group
It was with near-hysterical fervor that my employees and I had signed up for a four-day guided tour of Inner Mongolia leaving on May 1 – China’s Labor Day – one … Continue reading
The Sarcastic Woman’s Guide to Online Dating: Your Profile Picture
With Valentine’s Day approaching, those of us who are single will want to brush up their online dating profiles to attract the most worthy Romeo or Juliet. (First posted May … Continue reading
A Rude Christmas Interlude for You: T’was the Time After Christmas Dinner…
T’was the night after Christmas dinner, and the family had passed out on the couch from the hearty Christmas fare, not giving a hoot whether St. Nicolas was there. When … Continue reading
From My Heart to Your Gag Reflex: Worst Christmas Album Covers…for Now
Most Benevolent LReader: I’ve been negligent in blogging this year, ’tis true, but what’s a woman with severe writer’s block to do? I’ve agonized and despaired – plagued with self-doubt, … Continue reading
Supremely Bizarre Products of All Time
Originally posted on lostnchina:
Most people who are reading this blog about China might want to see weird and funny things – like pictures of misspelled street signs, strange foods,…
I Just Wanna Play Scrabble and Not Buy You Viagra
Just as someone might want to swim with the sharks or pull a freight train with his testicles – when I lived in southern China, I played online Scrabble to … Continue reading
Funereality – Part Two
A Buddhist monk, my sneezing sister and I are driving along in a Mercedes with plush leather seats. Something that resembles a dried up stalk of corn is wedged between … Continue reading
Funereality – Part One
When our beloved pet cockatiel of seventeen years died, my dad had witnessed the event. He said that Binky had been acting sluggish for about a week – sitting on … Continue reading
Big Mama Chang’s 2014 Forecast (Through Album Covers)
Recovering from the fattening festivities of the holiday season and looking into my thousand-year old preserved duck’s egg of a crystal ball, I wonder who’s (again) replaced all of my … Continue reading
A Me-Tube Interlude x 2: LostnJapan
As I bask in the post-holiday stupor that only Kirkland brand tequila and bowlfuls of those red and white restaurant mints from the Super China Buffet can provide, I’m mesmerized … Continue reading
The Sarcastic Woman’s Guide to Online Dating: Your Profile Picture
My Dear Begirdled and Betrodden Sisters, In my last post of the Sarcastic Woman dating series, I touched upon the importance of a thoughtfully-written and highly-fibrous online dating profile that … Continue reading
“Help!” (Wanted): The Story of Boogie Wang, Chloe Chu, Pinky Lo & One Kinky Ho
Originally posted on lostnchina:
In Hong Kong, recruiting an English-speaking Account Representative is easier than in China, as English is one of the two official languages. The issue I have…
A Halloween Fairy Tale: The Wedding From Hell, a Land Not so Far Away
Over 6 months ago, my sister Annie got a call from a long-lost high school friend, whose name is unfortunately the same as mine – Susan. For the sake of … Continue reading
A Very Chinese Home Remodel
You know your elderly Chinese parents have redefined “home remodeling” when they spend the money they have scrimped and saved over the years on a home remodel that features a … Continue reading
Lost in Translation – Why I’m Not an Interpreter
Originally posted on lostnchina:
My Mother often asks me why I don’t step up and help foreigners translate, as they stammer and gulp their way through the simplest things, like…
See Susan Go Camping
I was raised in a campingless household. My Chinese immigrant parents could never understand how our neighbors – with only $240.38 (Canadian) in their bank account (that was US$1.99 in … Continue reading
Nigerian Bank Scam 2.0 – Part Two
Like the bastard third cousin of Justin Bieber’s hairdresser, I’ve been shunned by the Nigerian Bank Scammer community. I’d been hoping to bring you the brilliant conclusion to my Nigerian … Continue reading
Vivian and I are Having a Baby!
Late last year, Vivian, my Accounting Manager and right-hand person in China told me on internet messenger that she was (finally) formally getting married: Me: Congrats! So…you’re pregnant? Vivian: How … Continue reading
The Overly Self-Indulgent, Absolutely Optional Non-Anniversary Anniversary Search Term Post
As my blog painfully drags its increasingly bulky ass into its third year – September 2013 – I’m humbled by the number of kind people who faithfully read my posts, … Continue reading
Nigerian Bank Scam 2.0 – Part 1
Anyone with an email address has seen it all before – Azubuike Onyekachi is the only employee with the Central Bank of Nigeria who has any knowledge of and the … Continue reading
A Me-tube Interlude
One of the best things about being back in the States is the ability to access websites people in the free world take for granted – The New York Times, the … Continue reading
Of Banks & Sex – Banking in 21st Century China
Written in April 2006, before the happy advent of internet banking After two years of living in China, I’ve finally made my first wire transfer at a bank without help from … Continue reading
Dentally Yours: An Adventure in Chinese Medical Misadventure
Ask anyone who’s traveling to a developing country her number one fear and it’s usually either: a) getting robbed, maimed or killed (after which she would most likely end up … Continue reading
The Sarcastic Woman’s Guide to Online Dating: Your Profile
Congratulations! Like a lobotomized water buffalo in heat, you have decided to charge ass first – because its larger size will cause more damage – into the increasingly flatulent world … Continue reading
Lost in Translation: When English is Not Enough
In North America, I communicate in English and also a stripped-down version of English that’s devoid of all articles, prepositions, words that have more than three syllables, and conjugated verbs. … Continue reading
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