lostnchina

…because not all of us have our Peking ducks in a row

A Me-Tube Interlude x 2: LostnJapan

japan

As I bask in the post-holiday stupor that only Kirkland brand tequila and bowlfuls of those red and white restaurant mints from the Super China Buffet can provide, I’m mesmerized by a series of Japanese Youtube videos and am now convinced we should all be eating seaweed and sushi rice, so that Japanese pods will overtake our brains, and we can look good in skin-tight metro-sexual suits while dancing in arthritic-unison:

It’s no secret that Japan had pissed off a lot of its neighbors in the past, what with the Japanese invasions of Korea and China…and that thing with the Second World War…but how can one stay angry at a nation that extols the virtues of Nipple Sumo Wrestling…?

…or invents a shampoo bottle with a hooky hook – obviously the first of its kind?

Even the stoic Tommy Lee Jones cannot escape the pink, fluffy feminine charms of  a Japanese girl and her egg omelet.

Translation:

Alien Jones (Tommy Lee) Investigating Earth.

Narrator: Akihabara (district in the Chiyoda ward of Tokyo.  Source = Wikipedia), Japan on this planet is full of strange people….

Girl: Moe Moe…Rock Paper Scissors…Go!  Awww…I lost….(feeds omelet to Tommy Lee Jones) say ahhhh…Chew.  Chew Chew Cutie Cutie….

Alien Jones (Tommy Lee) blushes.

Narrator: For this worthless wonderful world…Introducing…Rainbow (pronounced Lainbow) Mountain.

If you take away anything from this post-holiday hangover non-post, it’s that we’d better lose our holiday weight gain and start practicing our Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto dance moves.

Related posts:

Supremely Bizarre Products of All Time

A MeTube Interlude

13 comments on “A Me-Tube Interlude x 2: LostnJapan

  1. deutschlandisch
    June 11, 2014

    DAMMMMMNNNNNN!!! Crazyyy Japan!

    Would like it if you would read our Blog also!

    Hope to hear from you!

    deutschlandisch.wordpress.com

  2. bronxboy55
    January 15, 2014

    My wife and I went to Japan this past September, and while visiting some of her family, saw way more television than we wanted to. It’s impossible to explain how bizarre it is. The videos here helped illustrate the strangeness, although after watching Nipple Sumo Wrestling, I’m thinking of gouging out my own eyes.

    • lostnchina
      January 21, 2014

      When I think of Japan, I think of a country where language is not the only barrier that must be overcome.Nipple wrestling aside, I hope you enjoyed your trip. It is a great country which has retained a lot of its culture despite all of the modernization (and nipple sumo wrestling).

  3. gingerfightback
    January 8, 2014

    Hello

    I’ve returned to the post just to make sure what I saw wasn’t an old acid trip revisiting for Xmas. Truly wonderful and am off to buy some Radox – Hooky Hook!

    • lostnchina
      January 9, 2014

      Hello,

      Thank you for returning and retweeting this post twice (must have been some *old* acid trip that compelled you to do so?) My personal favorites is the ad with Tommy Lee Jones. I now must learn to make fat Japanese egg omelets to win his alien heart.

  4. WSW
    January 4, 2014

    Susan, get off the internet now. RIGHT NOW. One minute in and I have vomited up 32 ounces of top shelf liquor. The panties are nothing compared to this. Whatever it is.

  5. expatlingo
    January 3, 2014

    I now have a goal for my next family airport layover in Narita. But before we can dance oddly in unison while participating in “trust exercises” I must head across the border to Shenzhen to have 4 matching (and slimming) suits made.

    Happy new year Susan!

    • lostnchina
      January 4, 2014

      I’m pretty sure that, if you take several existing Mao suits and dude up your family in them, you may become as famous as The Jackson 5 or the Gang of Four. A teeny bopper bubble-gum band singing Maoist slogans hasn’t yet caught on fire in the West. This is your opportunity to exploit this niche.

  6. Oh the Japanese…..Sheer madness 98% of the time….. which I kind of respect in a strange way.

    • lostnchina
      January 4, 2014

      As I get older and WIDER, I admire people who can wear tight suits in slinky material and look good in them. This earns my respect for the Japanese.

  7. WSW
    January 3, 2014

    And then there are the vending machines that offer panties, gently used (read: worn) by Japanese schoolgirls. Urban legend? I think not. Just ask our pals at Snopes.com. http://www.snopes.com/risque/kinky/panties.asp Omelets and hook shampoo — just the tip of Mt Fuji, my friend.

    • lostnchina
      January 4, 2014

      Wendie “I like my vodkas straight up in a 32-ounce travel mug” Winslow, or should I say, Barbara “vend me your rears” Mikkelson, is that you? Again, I’ve misjudged the sophistication and PG rating of my blogging audience. I purposely left out weird things like underwear fetish and sex with computer-generated monsters. This video also didn’t make the cut:

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