lostnchina

…because not all of us have our Peking ducks in a row

More a Tweet Than a Post: Happy Chinese New Year!

A few posts back I promised to display my latest Chinese New Year acquisition – the 2012 edition of the Chinese New Year red panty, which my mother sent me via express mail last week.

Flower and candy cane did not come with the panty

The candy cane is placed strategically next to the panty to show you what proportions we’re talking about here.  This is just a regular candy cane leftover from Christmas, not the giant ones you put on your lawn and hit people with.

The panty measures 23cm (about 9″) at the waistband and 18cm (about 7″) from waistband to crotch – perfect for your medium-sized dog, or stuffed teddy bear.

Underwear from the back

As you can see, the back of the underwear is spacious enough to discreetly conceal a diaper, or your favorite paperback novel, a bottle of bourbon, and a few pistachio nuts.

Since I don’t have any children, dogs, or stuffed toys, I’m demonstrating the usefulness of this red panty by using my wine and spirits collection.

Wine carrier

The underwear also comes in handy as a lampshade, when you and your significant other want to set the mood for that special, sexy evening that involves a box of Franzia, take out from Panda Express, and reruns of Rosanne.

Note the brand of the underwear is the "pi" symbol. As in 3.141592...this is the optimum waist size for wearing these panties.

Despite its small size, the underwear is made from extremely stretchable fabric and will probably fit the Jabba the Hut in all of us.  I can attest to this, because I tried lobbing some navel oranges across the room with it over the weekend.  And they went pretty far.

Now, this marvel of Chinese underwear workmanship can be yours.  That’s right!  I’m giving away the 2012 edition Chinese New Year panty to the first person who can tell me all twelve animals in the Chinese zodiac and what animal rules 2012.

You have to be the first to tell me all animals in the zodiac sign by leaving it as a COMMENT below.  Your answer will be time and date stamped.  I will mail this panty, sans flower and candy cane, to whomever gives me the first correct answer.

Disclaimer: This underwear is NOT meant to be worn, as wearing it might be hazardous to your health.  When you see it, you’ll agree with me.

Related Posts: Lies My Superstitious Mother Told Me and the Longevity Panties

16 comments on “More a Tweet Than a Post: Happy Chinese New Year!

  1. Pingback: The Overly Self-Indulgent, Absolutely Optional Non-Anniversary Anniversary Search Term Post | lostnchina

  2. Pingback: Chinese Chicken Gizzard & Testicle Soup for the Soul: Inspiration for the Uninspirable « lostnchina

  3. Pingback: Lies My Superstitious Chinese Mother Told Me & the Longevity Panty « lostnchina

  4. car
    February 28, 2012

    hey I was supposed to answer that and claim that RED HOT UNDIES of yours….. I agree with your friend…how about your boxer mer….

  5. Love 2 Type
    February 24, 2012

    funny.. too bad i missed this contest.. elmer should make a contest too with the grand price of his brief or boxer?? nyahaha

    • lostnchina
      February 27, 2012

      I’m all for a contest where the panty would travel the globe, like a “Chain Letter Underwear” type thing. That would be cool (though perhaps not the most sanitary).

  6. Pingback: I Got Your Undies, Sue. Thanks | Malate

  7. Pingback: That Chinese Chick Can’t Cook Rice « lostnchina

  8. Emily He
    February 4, 2012

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA This was a HILARIOUS post (and congratulations to Elmer!). I have to say your mother is pretty flattering, as my mom bought me two HUGE flaming red granny panties.

    • lostnchina
      February 5, 2012

      Maybe you should display your flaming red panties on your blog? Thanks for stopping by!

      Susan

  9. jakesprinter
    January 29, 2012

    Great Stuff Susan ;)

  10. elmer
    January 25, 2012

    Tiger, Monkey, Dragon, Rooster, Rabbit, Ox, Rat, Horse, Pig, Dog, Snake, Goat. Water Dragon rules 2012!!! gimme gimme your panty!

    • lostnchina
      January 26, 2012

      OK, OK, Elmer. You can have the panty. Email me your mailing address and I will send it to you.

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This entry was posted on January 25, 2012 by in China, Humor and tagged , , , , , .
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